Damn! I'm likely to miss out on this

Just my luck!

Somebody's uncovered a letter written by Sir Isaac Newton in which the physicist, mathematician, astronomer, philosopher, alchemist and all-around good guy predicted that the end of the world will come in the year 2060.

I was kind of hoping to be around for the final curtain -- you know, just to see how everything turns out. But I'm already a little long in the tooth, which means, barring the sudden development of some miracle drug that cures everything that's wrong with me, I'll be long gone by 2060.

I'm especially interested to know if we'll still have troops in Iraq. Maybe the surge will have been successful by then. And what about Paris Hilton? What will have become of her? Man, I hate to think of dying before that question is answered.

You see, I always figured the world would last for centuries or millennia after my demise. But now Newton has raised doubts about that. It looks like I'll be taking my leave only a relatively short time before the curtain comes down. Drat!

Hey, maybe if I started taking better care of myself....Nah, what's the use? The effort would just ruin my final days, and I'd still come up short.

Oh, well, I'll just keep blogging until the Grim Reaper gets here.

Oh, the humanity!

Now that this spoiled slut is back in the slammer, can anything be done about also incarcerating anybody and everybody who gives a damn about her travails? How about revoking their citizenship? Taking away their voting privileges (not that they're the kind who would bother voting)?

It's disgraceful that MSNBC has required political talker Chris Matthews to lead his show tonight with this crap. Keith Olbermann probably will be forced to follow suit.

I'm not saying that there's not an audience for this nonsense. Television is awash in tripe that attracts huge numbers of mouth-breathers, but they're not exactly the same folks who can read stop signs without moving their lips.

What makes the network pinheads think that the reasonably literate political junkies who watch Matthews and Olbermann care one whit about Paris Hilton? Wait! Let me guess: It's focus-group feedback interpreted by junior executives who are convinced that celebrity bullshit like this on a political show will attract young viewers. As if.

Most people who don't chew gum or uptalk hardly even know who Paris Hilton is. Hell, I used to think she was an it -- and it was a hotel in France. I still don't know what she's famous for. How can such a cipher actually have what the supermarket mags refer to as "fans"?

We're on the road to perdition, people. Mark my words.